[ he should've brought him adderall instead of the gel.
ashe follows silently after him, watching delta go through all of the cabinets in the kitchen with alarming speed, coming up with one banana that looks like it's twelve seconds away from turning completely brown. he takes the stool beside him when delta finally sits down, reaching into his pocket for the little glass bottle of clove oil, setting it carefully on the granite counter top. ]
This'll help. Just put a couple of drops on it and it won't hurt as much. I got it from my mom.
[ which isn't exactly a seal of confidence, but he wouldn't have brought it over if he didn't think it would help. he tucks his hair behind one ear, all of it hanging loose because he couldn't be bothered to spend more than two seconds in front of the mirror. the mottled bruising around the corner of his mouth certainly isn't the worst he's ever had, but he doesn't like to think about how delta was the one to put it there.
he fiddles with one of his cloth bracelets, looking around the empty kitchen and struggling to weave together a sentence. fuck. ]
You're the only one that knows. About — me, I mean. Aside from my mom. [ he bites his lip out of habit and then winces, muttering out a curse. ] Just — let me see your hand. If your stitches are fucked up then I can do them better. You need to change your bandages anyway. They don't even look good.
I chugged at least a half-pint of vodka before I stitched myself up. Give me a little credit, please.
[ only a slight exaggeration. for how high he was on a mixture of hard liquor, vicodin, and searing pain, delta thinks he did okay for himself.
he plucks at his bandages, gingerly unwrapping long strips of bloodied gauze from his hand and tilting his palm toward ashe, under the light of an overhanging lamp. not as shitty as some of his previous work was mostly right, but not by much: his palm is sectioned in two, divided by an angry red gouge stitched together in a jagged line, as if he lacked a steady hand. the injury still throbs, hot to the touch, black thread pulled tight around puffy skin stained with purpling bruises and dried blood.
then further down near the heel of his palm, zigzagging across his wrist and forearm — a full bloom of slivered white scars split into smaller branches all connected together, like the naked limbs of a dead tree. i stuck a fork into an outlet just 'cause is what he tells anyone who asks, or i was struck by lightning, or it's a tattoo. he could say the same thing here, but he doesn't feel like lying. delta clears his throat and curls a finger under his cuff, wiggling his bunched sleeve down his scarred arm.
( genevieve can't be dead if she isn't here to haunt him, but he sees her eyes almost every night, more whites than pupils, wide and wild like a dying animal. last night he dreamed of a boy with silky hair and a split lip, his lashes wet with unshed tears. )
suddenly delta's never seen anything more fascinating than the lamp hanging above the kitchen island. he squints against the light, allowing ashe to inspect his hand. ]
I'm not going to tell anyone. [ fucking duh. it's stupid that there's even a possibility of ashe being worried about that, but delta steels any potential snark from his voice and does his solid best to sound stupid and earnest. ] Who the fuck would I even tell? The friends I don't talk to anymore? Fucking Six and his MIA ass? It's not like how it was in high school, dude. Your fire-bending secret is safe with me.
[ he looks down quickly, scrunching his nose to stave off a sneeze. a moment as he wriggles in his seat, index finger idly tracing the rounded edge of the countertop, then before he can lose his nerve: ]
[ he takes delta's hand in his own, gently cradling it and immediately noticing how large it is compared to his own smaller hand — and softer, too, whereas his own fingers are calloused from plucking strings. the gash looks horrible, worse than he imagined, but redoing his stitches would probably make it feel even worse than that. his eyes travel down his wrist to the wispy path of scars decorating his arm. ashe can tell it's decidedly not a tattoo, and a shiver creeps down his spine when he thinks about how all of that might've gotten there. ]
Did you do that to yourself? [ the question comes after a brief pause of wondering if it's appropriate to ask such a thing. it's not, but he does anyway, awkwardly reaching for the bottle and unscrewing the dropper. when? the scars look old. did he have them when they used to pass each other in the hallway? when he sat beside him in chemistry? how did he hide something like this?
carefully, he squeezes several drops of the sweet-smelling oil onto delta's palm, keeping his eyes fixed on the jagged cut even as the apology hangs between them. ]
I know. Just — stop, okay? I get why you said those things. You were trying to protect me. [ in the dumbest possible way, but delta is one of the dumbest people he knows. he keeps that to himself. ] Just forget about it.
[ because the more he thinks about it the worse he feels. he'd ideally like to never think about it again. clearing his throat, he slides off the stool, keeping delta's wounded hand carefully in his own for a moment longer before realizing what he's doing and snatching his hand away to jam it into his pocket instead. ]
Can we go upstairs? I'll bandage you up again and then I want to take a nap.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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ashe follows silently after him, watching delta go through all of the cabinets in the kitchen with alarming speed, coming up with one banana that looks like it's twelve seconds away from turning completely brown. he takes the stool beside him when delta finally sits down, reaching into his pocket for the little glass bottle of clove oil, setting it carefully on the granite counter top. ]
This'll help. Just put a couple of drops on it and it won't hurt as much. I got it from my mom.
[ which isn't exactly a seal of confidence, but he wouldn't have brought it over if he didn't think it would help. he tucks his hair behind one ear, all of it hanging loose because he couldn't be bothered to spend more than two seconds in front of the mirror. the mottled bruising around the corner of his mouth certainly isn't the worst he's ever had, but he doesn't like to think about how delta was the one to put it there.
he fiddles with one of his cloth bracelets, looking around the empty kitchen and struggling to weave together a sentence. fuck. ]
You're the only one that knows. About — me, I mean. Aside from my mom. [ he bites his lip out of habit and then winces, muttering out a curse. ] Just — let me see your hand. If your stitches are fucked up then I can do them better. You need to change your bandages anyway. They don't even look good.
no subject
[ only a slight exaggeration. for how high he was on a mixture of hard liquor, vicodin, and searing pain, delta thinks he did okay for himself.
he plucks at his bandages, gingerly unwrapping long strips of bloodied gauze from his hand and tilting his palm toward ashe, under the light of an overhanging lamp. not as shitty as some of his previous work was mostly right, but not by much: his palm is sectioned in two, divided by an angry red gouge stitched together in a jagged line, as if he lacked a steady hand. the injury still throbs, hot to the touch, black thread pulled tight around puffy skin stained with purpling bruises and dried blood.
then further down near the heel of his palm, zigzagging across his wrist and forearm — a full bloom of slivered white scars split into smaller branches all connected together, like the naked limbs of a dead tree. i stuck a fork into an outlet just 'cause is what he tells anyone who asks, or i was struck by lightning, or it's a tattoo. he could say the same thing here, but he doesn't feel like lying. delta clears his throat and curls a finger under his cuff, wiggling his bunched sleeve down his scarred arm.
( genevieve can't be dead if she isn't here to haunt him, but he sees her eyes almost every night, more whites than pupils, wide and wild like a dying animal. last night he dreamed of a boy with silky hair and a split lip, his lashes wet with unshed tears. )
suddenly delta's never seen anything more fascinating than the lamp hanging above the kitchen island. he squints against the light, allowing ashe to inspect his hand. ]
I'm not going to tell anyone. [ fucking duh. it's stupid that there's even a possibility of ashe being worried about that, but delta steels any potential snark from his voice and does his solid best to sound stupid and earnest. ] Who the fuck would I even tell? The friends I don't talk to anymore? Fucking Six and his MIA ass? It's not like how it was in high school, dude. Your fire-bending secret is safe with me.
[ he looks down quickly, scrunching his nose to stave off a sneeze. a moment as he wriggles in his seat, index finger idly tracing the rounded edge of the countertop, then before he can lose his nerve: ]
— I really am sorry.
no subject
Did you do that to yourself? [ the question comes after a brief pause of wondering if it's appropriate to ask such a thing. it's not, but he does anyway, awkwardly reaching for the bottle and unscrewing the dropper. when? the scars look old. did he have them when they used to pass each other in the hallway? when he sat beside him in chemistry? how did he hide something like this?
carefully, he squeezes several drops of the sweet-smelling oil onto delta's palm, keeping his eyes fixed on the jagged cut even as the apology hangs between them. ]
I know. Just — stop, okay? I get why you said those things. You were trying to protect me. [ in the dumbest possible way, but delta is one of the dumbest people he knows. he keeps that to himself. ] Just forget about it.
[ because the more he thinks about it the worse he feels. he'd ideally like to never think about it again. clearing his throat, he slides off the stool, keeping delta's wounded hand carefully in his own for a moment longer before realizing what he's doing and snatching his hand away to jam it into his pocket instead. ]
Can we go upstairs? I'll bandage you up again and then I want to take a nap.